There's something creepy about Tom Cruise taking an upskirt shot of his robot daughter at Disneyworld while onlookers, both real and fictional, watch.

Disneyworld Exec: Of course, Mr. Cruise, we can accommodate you.

Tom: Excellent. I want all the characters on a lawn so I can take some pictures, and I want to skip the line for every ride.

Disneyworld Exec: Of course.

Tom: And I want you to pull all the Pinocchio characters. The last thing I need is Suri wanting to be a real boy.

Disneyworld Exec: Disney has a very strong policy against sexual confusion in youth.

Tom: I was more worried about the "real" part. I have to go power up Katie.

(Tom Cruise teleports)

Suri Cruise got a creepy new haircut [Dlisted]
Charlize Theron is perfectly annoying [Hollywood Tuna]
Katie Price wins the biggest boobs of the night award [Hollywood Rag]
Christina Aguilera heats up Abu Dhabi [Just Jared]
Liv Tyler is precious [Popsugar]
Liza Minnelli on Broadway [City Rag]
Leighton Meester does Gotham magazine [Popoholic]
Taylor Momsen is sick [Lainey Gossip]
Tila Tequila is still a party slut (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]
Eva Herzigova's panty upskirt (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Marisa Miller does Complex [Egotastic]
Michael Phelps has a new Speedo [Socialite Life]
CNN uses a dirty word [College Humor]

The Church of Scientology and Tom Cruise are threatening a $100 million lawsuit against St. Martin's Press and Andrew Morton, publisher and author of, Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography. In the explosive new book, Morton claims: Cruise is the second-highest ranking member of The Church of Scientology, Katie Holmes was impregnated with L. Ron Hubbard's frozen sperm, Cruise had a homosexual encounter on the set of Eyes Wide Shut, Scientologists planted a field of wildflowers in a Scientology enclave outside Los Angeles so Cruise could live out a fantasy of running through it with Nicole Kidman, Scientology forced Cruise to divorce Kidman because she failed to embrace the "religion," and Penelope Cruz and Sofia Vergara were turned off by his complete allegiance to Scientology while Cruise was dating them. New York Daily News reports:

The book is a vicious and false attack on a man, his religion and his family. I find it disgusting and sick that this author would compare any child to 'Rosemary's Baby,'" Cruise spokesman Paul Bloch told the Daily News yesterday. "The author never interviewed anyone close to Tom Cruise. If they had, there would have been no book to be written."...Top Scientology lawyer Elliot Abelson told The News that Morton's allegations were demonstrably false and published with a reckless disregard for the truth - setting him and his publisher up for big defamation lawsuits. "I underestimated how bad it would be," Abelson said. "There will be a huge swell of resentment that this book even came out."

Three years ago, Tom Cruise was Hollywood's own Midas. Now, he's the gay Darth Vader of Scientology, whose idea of a hot time with his wife involves a needle, some anesthesia, and a lab. Wow. Tom Cruise would seem less crazy if he turned out to be the Zodiac Killer.

Sofia Vergara: