When I heard "Leather and Lace" party, I think I got all overly excited and had to change out my Spongebob Boxers for the ones with a bow over the fly that say "This Package Is For You."

And although Kim Kardashian, Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra were attending, there was a disturbing lack of: 1) Leather, 2) Lace, 3) A logical reason for me to wear my fancy underpants.

When I went to bed, looking at the mirror I have installed on the ceiling, I read my own underoos: "This Package Is For You." Then, I cried myself to sleep.

Oh, so that's where hipsters come from. I would have thought a horse's ass, but this is pretty close.

Carmen Electra might be addicted to sex toys. Also reported: She's not even trying to hide that hideous bra. [Hollywood Tuna]

Lily Allen: “I know lots of people who take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work...But we never hear that side of the story." [I'm Not Obsessed]

Real World: Brooklyn vs. real world Brooklyn [Complex]

Cameron Diaz nipple-slips? Why not? [City Rag]

Vanna White is 1987 naked [Fatback]

Busted-looking star of the day: Debra Messing. [Celebslam]

Cindy Crawford doesn't let her daughter watch Hanna Montana because it makes her a little bitch. [Celebitchy]

Katie Holmes was signing autographs outside the Schoenfeld Theatre in NYC on Wednesday when she was photographed with a gigantic cold sore on her mouth (not the first time she's been seen like this - click here and click here. It seems like Tom Cruise has that effect on all the ladies. Meow! Page Six reports:

"The women in Tom Cruise's life seem to have the gift that keeps on giving. In the past week, both Cruise's ex-wife, Nicole Kidman, and his current one, Katie Holmes (above), have been photographed with cold sores on their lips. Cold sores, also known as oral herpes or herpes labialis, are transmitted very easily from one kisser to another. Reps for Cruise, Kidman and Holmes didn't return e-mails."

Good grief, look at Katie Holmes. People only look like this if they've been shipwrecked or don't get along with Nazis.



Photos: Splash

Today is boring and I really need to go ahead and start drinking so, here are some of the chicks who "sizzled up the gold carpet" at Us Magazine's Hot Hollywood Party last night. Obviously, the word "hot" is not really happy about all this:

Jennifer Lopez also won the prestigious Style Icon of The Year Award. It's so prestigious, I've never heard of it. I'm not sure what it takes to win, but I assume it involves jeans with the ass stretched out and looking like a male Jennifer Lopez impersonator.


Paris Hilton just needs to go ahead and get an eye patch and a parrot, and get it over with. That eye is basically closed. She looks depressed, so maybe her right eye is some sort of mood eye. If it's open, that means she's alive. And that doesn't put me in a good mood.


Seriously, is there any doubt that Ashlee Simpson is the hot sister now? Granted, Ashlee's still kinda fug, but at least she has an actual woman's face. Jessica Simpson looks like Bill Cowher with a blonde wig and collagen injections.


The freckled whore in curls:


Carmen Electra is pretty much the only exception to this list. She's still getting it done after all these years, and she doesn't mind getting naked. And if you're a hot chick with big boobs, it says somewhere in the Constitution that you're legally obligated. Sorry, ladies!

Dom Imus is kind of a celebrity, but he's in a lot of trouble lately after referring to the Rutgers women's basketball team on air as "nappy headed hos." Turns out that's offensive. Turns out you can't say that. Except if you're a rapper. If you're a women's basketball fan and you were offended by this, I wonder how offended you were about the 40 for 107 shooting performance Rutgers and Tennessee put up in NCAAW National Championship game. Yeah, women's basketball is exciting. I'd rather watch my leg being amputated than forty minutes of missed layups and cramps.

And now, unrelated pictures of Carmen Electra at Dinah Shore Week:

Labels: carmen electra, don imus

Carmen Electra is only good at being naked, so we shouldn't be surprised that when she tried to be a real model at Max Factor Salutes Hollywood it turned into a complete disaster. I'm not sure how she managed to turn walking in a straight line into some kind of obstacle course, but she looked about as graceful as a fat girl doing Ashtanga Yoga. I'm not a runway expert, but I'm almost positive this wasn't the look they were going for.

Labels: alison sweeney, carmen electra